30 statements, about 4 minutes, no email. Your primary and backup style, with a full written report, the moment you finish.
When a colleague and I disagree, I ask questions until I understand what they actually need
When I am sure I am right about a work decision, I keep pressing until it goes my way
When tension rises in a meeting, I change the subject or go quiet
In a dispute, I look for a middle point where each of us gives something up
When a colleague feels strongly about something, I set my own preference aside
What you get
A full written report in six parts, free, with no email. Save it as a PDF or send the link to a colleague. See a sample report.
All five styles scored, your position on the two-axis conflict map, and what your backup style does when the first approach stalls.
The situations where your default is the right tool, the ones where it is not, and what works and backfires when people disagree with you.
The shape your style takes when the load is high, three practices to try this week, and a playbook for disagreeing with each of the five styles.
The model
Most conflict research since the 1960s uses one map, the dual-concern model (Blake and Mouton, 1964; Thomas, 1976). Two axes give five styles, and each is the right tool somewhere.
Assertive · uncooperative
Presses for their own position and is willing to be unpopular for it.
Right for: Emergencies, and unpopular but necessary calls.
The cost: People stop disagreeing with you out loud, which is not the same as agreeing.
Assertive · cooperative
Treats the disagreement as a shared problem and digs for what each side really needs.
Right for: Important issues where the relationship has to last.
The cost: Slow, and small disputes get the full treatment.
Midway on both
Looks for the fair trade: each side gives something up and the work moves again.
Right for: Equal parties, a deadline, and an issue of moderate weight.
The cost: Both sides leave slightly unsatisfied, and a better answer goes unfound.
Unassertive · uncooperative
Steps back, lets tempers cool, and leaves minor irritations alone.
Right for: Trivial issues, and tempers that need to cool.
The cost: Problems grow unattended, and decisions get made without you.
Unassertive · cooperative
Gives way to keep the relationship strong, and sees the other side quickly.
Right for: You are wrong, or it matters far more to them.
The cost: Your ideas go unheard, and resentment builds quietly.
Reading the two axes
Assertiveness is how hard you press for what you need. Cooperation is how much weight you give to what they need. High on both is collaborating, low on both is avoiding, and the middle of both is compromising.
The other side of the table
Knowing your own style is half of it. The other half is recognising the one across the table.
| When they lean | What you will notice | What helps |
|---|---|---|
| Competing | States a position early and defends it. Interrupts when the stakes feel high. | Be direct and brief. A firm counter-argument earns more respect than a hint. If you need to be heard, ask plainly for two minutes without interruption. |
| Collaborating | Asks why you want what you want. Proposes another meeting to get it right. | Come ready to explain why you want what you want. If time is short, say so at the start and agree how long you will both give it. |
| Compromising | Makes an offer early. Talks about what is fair more than what is best. | Know what you can give up before you start, and what you cannot. If the issue deserves more than a split, ask to look for a better option before you trade. |
| Avoiding | Goes quiet, changes the subject, or is suddenly hard to find. | Do not ambush them. Give notice, keep it private, and raise one specific issue. Silence is not agreement, so ask what they think, then wait. |
| Accommodating | Agrees quickly. Says "whatever works for you" and means it, mostly. | Ask for their view first, because otherwise they will often go along with yours. Test a yes by asking what they would change. When they have given way several times running, return the favour. |
Conflict style is one slice of how someone works. For the wider picture, take the personality test for work, or see how you communicate when nothing is at stake.
Read this before you trust it
Thirty workplace statements, six for each style, rated from Strongly Disagree to Strongly Agree. One statement per style is worded in reverse. Each style is reported as a strength out of 100: the highest is your primary style and the next is your backup.
Where we stand
The assessment is a reflective tool, not a validated psychometric instrument: nobody has tested whether its scores stay stable or predict how anyone behaves in a dispute. The validated part of this page is step two, a 60-item Big Five inventory scored against real norms.
What it cannot do
For workshops and classes
A 15-statement short form and its scoring grid on two pages, free to print and photocopy for a team session, a class or mediation training. People add up their own scores, so nobody hands in answers.
If you lead the team
When two people keep clashing, their styles usually explain the pattern: competing meets avoiding, and the louder the first gets, the quieter the second becomes. Name the pattern without blaming either person, and agree one change each.
Your own default matters too, so know your leadership style. A team personality assessment shows where styles are likely to collide before they do.
Step two, optional
The assessment asks what you do in a dispute. This asks who you are: sixty statements, about 5 minutes, scored against real norms.
01
Personality and conflict style are linked: in Antonioni's (1998) study, agreeable people leaned away from competing and extraverts leaned towards it.
02
How you collaborate, how you push back, and how you respond when pressure builds.
03
Your five trait scores as percentiles, your strengths, and the roles and teams that suit you.
Common questions
Your conflict management style is the approach you reach for first when you disagree with someone: competing, collaborating, compromising, avoiding or accommodating. The 30-item assessment at the top of this page names yours in about four minutes. Your highest score is your primary style, and the next highest is the backup you tend to switch to when the first one is not working.
Competing (press for your own position), collaborating (look for an answer that fully works for both sides), compromising (each side gives something up), avoiding (step back or postpone) and accommodating (give way to the other person). They come from the dual-concern model, which places every response to conflict on two axes: concern for your own outcome and concern for the other person's.
Not as a habit. Collaborating produces the most durable agreements, but it costs time and needs two willing people, so it is wasted on small issues. Competing is right in an emergency, avoiding is right when tempers are too high to talk, accommodating is right when you are wrong, and compromising is right between equals on a deadline. The skill is range: choosing the style the situation calls for.
Yes. "Conflict resolution style", "conflict management style" and "conflict style" are used for the same five approaches. Researchers tend to say management, because not every conflict gets resolved; some are contained, postponed or lived with. The quiz on this page works under any of the three names.
No. The Thomas-Kilmann Conflict Mode Instrument is a separate commercial questionnaire of 30 forced-choice pairs, sold by its publisher. This page uses the same five-style model, which comes from the academic literature (Blake and Mouton, 1964; Thomas, 1976), with 30 rating statements we wrote ourselves. It is free, and it is not affiliated with or endorsed by that instrument's publisher.
Yes. A 15-statement short form with a hand-scoring grid is free to download and print from this page. It is built for team sessions, classes and mediation training: people add up their own scores, so nobody has to share individual answers.
Usually, yes. Most people have a considered style for calm disagreements and a faster, cruder one for when they feel cornered: a collaborator starts over-explaining, a competitor gets louder, an avoider goes silent. Your result includes a short note on how your primary style tends to shift when the stakes rise, and your backup style is often where you land.
Start by separating the issue from the styles. Ask each person what they need from the outcome, not what they think of the other person. Name the pattern if there is one, for example one person pressing while the other withdraws, without blaming either. Agree one change each, and check in a week later. If the same clash keeps returning, the cause is usually structural (unclear ownership, competing targets) and no amount of style awareness will fix it.
Keep going
About this page
Michael Hodge, founder of SeeMyPersonality, has built online personality measurement since 2003 and wrote the statements and the scoring on this page. More about the author.
No conflict style is a flaw. Each one is the right response somewhere, and the assessment is for reflection: neither it nor the Big Five profile measures ability.
For managers and HR
See how your whole team handles disagreement.
SMP Assess runs the 60-question profile as an employee personality test across a group: send one link, read each person's work-style report, and see the team on one map.